I am sorry to have left you so suddenly,
I am sorry for withdrawing my heart
with such forthrightness.
You see, it occurred to me
that these wounds that I have encountered,
ones which have long gone unprobed,
you would unwittingly aggravate and cause further tears in.
And it is better
that I should seek a binding for them
and be able someday to stand
more whole and more freely myself,
than to remain
and risk an infection at the edges,
a discoloring from bitterness,
or worse, to run,
closing myself off from all the good
that might come from our friendship.
(I know that to deny
my feelings for you
as I have tried to do many times before
would only delay the hurt and increase
the sharpness of the blade.)
So I have stepped away
and into the embrace of One
who has long looked to sew these ends
together and hold
my hands to his heart
and whisper the truth until I should know it
and not believe the lie.
For I am not now ready
to love you in the way that I should,
nor are you.
But if we should bring our loves
to the One who abounds in and perfects
all love, we wound find our hearts
renewed, burnt in flames
that shed old onion skin wrappings
and somehow leave the heart redder
and larger than before.
For this is our first task:
to offer up ourselves
to be invigorated to new life,
leaving behind the things which would cause decay
and spread a film over our eyes and limbs.
And if we are to love one another,
as we should,
as this One does us,
how can we learn it
except through Christ?
So this is where I have gone,
should one day your heart call you on
to meet its desires
and you should seek
with a ready and restful countenance
the love which I have withdrawn.
You will find it safe
in the hands of Him
who has been growing and healing it
only to love you better.